Hi there, it’s me. I’m back. I stopped writing for a while, stopped trying to reach my goals, and take action to make my dreams happen.
I was lost. I was so disconnected from myself and the world around me, I failed to realize how much that was impacting me from being true to myself and doing the things that I love, the things that make me, me. During this time, I also struggled to speak my true, to say what it was that I wanted to say, to acknowledge and feel my emotions. The further I tried to dig into these aspects, the overpowering, overwhelming feeling of shame brought me into a dark night of the soul. It felt suffocating to be surrounded by people existing in society, when I felt that I did not exist at all. I felt like that for a long time. My whole childhood leading into my adult life. There was just part of me, that was buried so deep inside, I struggled to be me, to feel me, and to see me.
I want to make this a fresh start, I want to be honest a true. I want to stop living for the external comforts, and approval from people on the outside, and just live for me. I am on a journey to surrender myself to the universe and to trust what it has in store for me. Part of that journey is being true to myself and listening, to me. I am now ready to take you on this journey with me.
I feel that I started this blog for all the wrong reasons. I wasn’t ready to create a website, last year when I found myself doing so. It was more or less because I felt that I had to do so. I was so caught up caring about what other people thought of me, and what I believed other people expected of me I failed to see my truth, and a became so disconnected to the true essence, which was buried deep inside of me.
I attended a Writers Workshop in May of 2018. It was a life changing experience. I left that workshop on a high, ready to take on the world. However, because my true being and my connection to myself was so lost inside of me, taking the next to connect to myself fully, to let go, write a book, and promote myself were so challenging. I was lost admits it all. I created a website, started a blog because I thought that it was what I had to do, it was what was expected of me. Along the way, I tried to make it part of me, but it never really felt that way, that is until today as I write this.
It recently occurred to me, that I am only responsible for my own emotions, my own actions, my own beginnings, my own self. It is up to me to create the life, the one I want, despite what other’s may think or believe, or not agree with. Those pieces do not matter. It is so easy to get caught up in that cycle of shame. Lost in the shadows of it all. You know, trying to connect externally however, being unable to connect internally.
It is up to us to be able to be true to ourselves, and no one is able to do that for you. You can have people that walk with you on your path, that love you and support you, those people that you fully connect with are the people that bring out the best in you. While they are there with you through it all, it is up to you to take that step, to do the actions to be the person you want to be, to put yourself back on the path you want to be on.
My intentions now, with my website, blog, and business, is that I want to create a community with like minded spiritual individuals, those who are facing challenges of their own on this spiritual journey, because trust me, the awakening process is full of them. I want to bring people together, not tear people apart, I want to help support those who feel lost, abandoned inside, those who feel as if they do not have support at all.
Trust me. I was in this position not so long ago. Stuck in a cycle of fear, shame and self-doubt. As I began to connect more to myself, feelings and emotions came up, ones I was not able to feel in so long. Feeling those emotions, reliving the fear, the shame, the trauma, our shadow can be so intense to the point where it may want us to close ourselves off even more.
I am at a point on my own spiritual journey that I want to be true, let go of my baggage and emotions which were weighing me down and let the universe take control. When you fully surrender and connect to your spiritual being, the universe is capable of doing amazing things.
I want to begin this new chapter of my life, by being true, sharing my story but also changing my story. I encourage you to do the same, connect within and ask your intuition what you need to make you feel complete.
Hi, my name is Julia. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I lived through trauma, which in turn damaged my spiritual being, and disconnected me from my true essence. I got lost within myself. But I made it out, I spoke my truth, connected to myself and my spiritual being inside of me. I am now on a new journey, not to survive, but to live fully and completely within me.
What part of you was missing? I encourage you to speak your truth in the comments below. Once you do, you will learn about how rewarding this can be.