Resurfacing

Let me explain my situation to you and what I have come to realize over the last two months. On June 24, 2019 my life completely changed when entered into the hospital due to out of control panic attacks and thoughts of suicide. I stayed in hospital until July 22, 2019. During my time in the hospital, I had:

  • Sever panic attacks and dissociation
  • Flashbacks and nightmares and I later was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
  • Constant thoughts of suicide and self-harm tendencies resulting from a new diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder.

I could see my purpose, value or self-worth in life. I had hit one of the lowest points in a blink of an eye. All the stressors in my life including my job and historical trauma crept up on me and then suddenly took a hold of me. I was so far gone, that I just had enough. I had enough of living and I had enough of being me.

Feelings came out that I had bottled up inside for so long. My emotions were out of control. My environment was out of control. I went from working extensive hours, attending a psychotherapy program part-time, and working on my business to dropping it all as I found myself in a mental health inpatient program.

When I got out, the first week, I had little follow up from the hospital. I found myself somehow thrown back into my life and I did not want to be in my life. The first week, I met with my counsellor twice and saw my family doctor. I was completely broken, lost in a system shock. I went through changes one after the other. I couldn’t handle it.

I was not stable enough to go back to my full-time job and I was without realizing it, around $70,000 in debt. I could even tell you had I had bought to be that much in debt. I mean sure I had a student loan to pay off like most people in their late twenties do, but I also had maxed out three credit cards, had a line of credit that was maxed out and had begun to finance a brand new 2018 car in the spring of last year.

There was no income coming in. I had used up all my short term benefits when I was in the hospital for a month and I had no idea how to pay the rent for the following month, let alone any of my bills. I was stuck and drained and exhausted. Being thrown into this mess, that I had create for myself was too much for me to handle on top of my mental health breakdown.

I thought there was no way out. I attempted suicide the following Wednesday after being released from the hospital. On the Thursday, I found myself back in the ER again, only to be let go a few hours later. Following this suicide attempt, I withdrew completely from my medications. I found myself with no other choice but to begin to rebuild my life again.

It started slowly, very slowly. I ignored the phone calls from my bank and credit card companies. I stopped going to see my counsellor and the outpatient services the hospital offered me for a few weeks. I was tired of everyone telling me how to recover, how to build my life back together. After all, it is my life and your life is your life.

What works for someone else may not work for you, despite whatever research or evidence is out there.

I began to listen to my intuition fully, something I put off doing for so long. I trusted my gut. I let go of what did not feel right in my life and started to embrace the things that did. I started to write again. Surprisingly as I did this, I began to find joy amongst all the darkness. Writing was something I always wanted to do. So I wrote for pretty much a week straight, ignoring everything else.

I started going to different Meetups and Events. I attended different writing groups and met people who liked to write just like I did. I spent a lot of time with my Aunt Susan, who has been my rock and main support through all of this.

It took almost another week until I started to make appointments, and surface back to reality again. I continued to go see my family doctor. I went back to see my counsellor and also started DBT therapy with another counsellor. I made appointments and phone calls to banks and credit card companies. I opened my bills. I met with financial consultants. I started to make repayment plans for my debts. I even quit my full-time job, coming to the conclusion that my own health and wellbeing were more important.

Along the way, there were times when things did get heavy for me and things were overwhelming for me. I have learned more life lessons in these past two months than in my lifetime. I had to find courage and fight of fear. I decided to stop ignoring my intuition and started to listen to the spiritual being inside of me.

While I am not fully recovered in any way I have made some major changes in life, that I can now see are for the better. In terms of my recovery, it will always be something I am working on. I am aware there will be good moments and bad moments. However, in this short time I took to start to find myself again:

  • I stopped having panic attacks every day
  • I stopped having major flashbacks, nightmares, and dissociations
  • I stopped hiding in closets and small spaces
  • I started to make really be decisions on things I had put of for so long
  • I started to make a repayment plan for my debt
  • My thoughts of suicide lessened to a huge extent
  • My acts of self-harm stopped as soon as I got out of the hospital

I went into the hospital and stayed for as long as I did for a reason. I needed time and a safe place process memories and emotions I had buried for so long. While some nurses were helpful and somewhere not, some programs were also helpful and somewhere not.

I think the biggest thing that influenced my recovery as much as it did, was that I stopped listening to what other people and healthcare professionals thought was right, especially if it was not sitting right with me. I think the thing about mental health and healthcare, is that often working professionals fail to understand the complex trauma that often comes with the diagnosis. Many staff may not be trained in understanding how complex trauma and your inner child impacts your feelings, thoughts, and emotions.

I do agree with my own mental health diagnosis. However, there were a lot of individuals I met in the hospital who struggled to figure out their diagnosis as well as some who did not agree with their diagnosis. I understand, coming from a background in child welfare and social work that mental health is a tricky thing, and for someone to understand their own mental health and how it impacts them throughout the day is hard enough as it is.

The mental health and health care systems need to begin to under how childhood trauma can impact one’s behaviors and actions as an adult. I also feel that one’s inner connection with their own self needs to be focused on so that they can begin to find joy, build unconditional love in their self, and start to understand who they are.

I do not want to be the one that tells to stop taking your medications or following advice from healthcare professionals. The message I am trying to get across is for you to listen, you know to that voice inside of you, that feeling that you hold. Listen to your intuition and trust your gut.

At the end of the day, you are responsible for your own health and wellbeing. You are in charge of your recovery and your journey. When all else fails, let go of whatever it is that you are holding on to and trust your intuition.

If you take action, the universe will take action.

What are you going to do for yourself today? What is your intuition telling you?

Accepting Ourselves

We live in a world, that is fast, active, and always on the go. At times when it feels like we need a break, the world around us does not stop. Leaving us no time to stop. Without a choice, we keep going. We push the emotions and feelings inside of us while attempting to live our lives outside of us.

As a result, we become numb. We are left frozen inside. Unable to feel. Unable to think. Unable to connect to ourselves as well as to those we love around us.

We manage to go throughout the day on autopilot and often without even realizing we are on autopilot.  As we keep going our bodies go into survival mode.

We work because we have to work.

We eat because we have to eat.

We sleep because we have to sleep.

We socialize even at our lowest times.

We pile things on our plates.

We take our children to activities and sport programs.

We drive them places.

We attempt to clean our homes. We attempt to do laundry.

We do dishes.

We walk the dog. We play with the cat.

We take a shower.

We get groceries.

Sometimes, we exercise.

We pay the bills.

We put the stress aside, thinking that it is easier to ignore it than acknowledge it. Sitting in discomfort is uneasy. We get into a routine, repeating it over and over again. The same tasks. The same activities. The same chores. Our thoughts patterns and our behaviors get repetitive as our mind plays tricks on us, telling us that we are not worthy and leaving us to feel not good enough.

By the end of the day, we are exhausted physically and drained emotionally. There is no time left for ourselves, no time to process the emotions that have been bottled up throughout the day. There is no time to feel whatever is happening around us.

We become incapable of being present, unsatisfied in our beliefs, and unaware of our values. Slowly we stop looking after our own needs as we become trapped inside a caregiving role for others. We forget to care about ourselves. We forgot to love ourselves.

How much is too much?

What has got to give for you to be able to feel connected to yourself, loved by yourself, and accomplished by yourself?

It is not about doing things just because it is what is expected of you to do.

What it is you actually want to do?

Taking time to process our own needs is critical. If we continue to go on the way the world expects us to live, I can guarantee you that there will be a time in your life when you will mentally break.  There will be a time when the stress becomes too much to handle and there will be a time when you start to feel that suicide is the only way out, the only solution to the stop the overwhelming feelings that pile within you.

Our lives can crash around us in the blink of an eye. Change is everywhere. We cannot avoid it, but we can prevent it from taking control of our meaning, blocking us from our purpose, and letting the negative vibrations overpower us.

Changes happen. In our lives, shit happens. It can be good or bad. Through change, the universe leaves us lessons, it makes us stronger, embodied, and connected to our truth.

Sometimes it may seem like we are lost and disconnected from ourselves, unable to see light. Sometimes our bodies become so full of thoughts, feelings, and emotions, it becomes impossible to process them all. It is easy for us to look for an escape and an alternative way out.

Have you ever thought that maybe instead of clawing ourselves to the surface outward, to go inward under the surface?

When you go under the surface, you are often left with no choice than to rip off the bandaids, address stress, confront whatever you pushed aside, and feel the emotions. When we are left with no other choice but to face our fears, sit in our discomforts and acknowledge our weakness, our thoughts, and our feelings, our actions begin to change.

The more we begin to explore how whatever is weighing on us, and addressing whatever is weighing on us, the more we can heal.

There is no magic solution. No special pill you can take. Our emotions and feelings take time to process and results from our actions take time. I get wanting to rush things, as that is the way we are used to doing things as a society. It will take time to figure out the formula that works for you.

You can start the surface inward by getting to know you again, figuring out who you are, how to light the truth inside of you and reintroduce yourself to your hopes and dreams.

The more you surface inward, the deeper the connection will grow within you and that will flow to your life outside of you.

It was only about a month and a half ago that my life suddenly changed. Everything somehow got unrouted. Things came crashing down around me. It was as if an explosion hit me, a tornado forming inside of me. I lost track of reality, lost hold of my goals, my hopes, and dreams. I was left with no choice but to face the discomfort and go under the surface to find me.

Admitting that I was struggling, that I needed help and asking for support was one of the hardest things I had to do. I became vulnerable and unable to deal with the panic attacks, flashbacks, dissociation, and nightmares from my childhood trauma. Creating a safe space around me, I let myself go through it, acknowledge it, and admit that I was hurting from it.

During this time, not only did I find myself sitting in some of the lowest moments, I learned who the people were in my life that utterly and truly supported me. I began to go through the days moment by moment. I started a journey to get to know myself and began to embrace myself again.

I still have a long road to my recovery ahead of me. But I am determined to not let the trauma take ahold of me as it did for so many years. I accept now that it is a part of me, but it will not control me.

When I started to embrace the aspects I did fully and truly love about myself, I started to step into action. The more steps I did take, I started to accept more aspects of me and an unconditional love started to build within me.

It is not there all the way yet, and I understand the process will take a while to repair and reprogram the damages that were done to me. Throughout my journey I have learned that my past does not define me, it has helped build me, but also put beliefs into my life that were not made for me.

Now, however, I am ready to take on the challenge to fully embrace all aspects of me, to learn to love everything within me, to fulfill my goals and dreams, and most importantly listen to what my intuition is telling me.

Now who wants to join me?

Stepping Out of Our Comfort Zones

Stepping Out of Our Comfort Zones

Stepping out of our comfort zones can be scary. Trust me I get it. For the majority of us, stepping into the unknown, doing something uncomfortable to us can be frightening. Fear often steps in and it becomes easy to just avoid doing things that seem uncomfortable to us.

For the longest time, I lived within a bubble, afraid to experience the unknown, not wanting to sit in an uncomfortable feeling.

Have you ever had a sudden erg to step outside your comfort zone?

 A sudden erg to listen to your intuition, let go and trust what your gut is trying to tell you?

What our intuition tells us at times, may logically not seem right, and may seem unrealistic, despite the fact that it feels so realistic. We are often afraid to listen to our intuition and step out of our comfort zones as logical thoughts and societal norms can get in the way. It wasn’t until I began to step outside my comfort zone, that I really began to experience life.  I stopped listening to options of those around me and really began to listen to me, turning the negative messages in my head positive.

I had gone to a meeting yesterday, which turned out to a really good outcome. I had also planned to attend a meetup, in which I would be sharing my business pitch to a group of people. For some reason, the days leading up to the event, I didn’t want to go. I was afraid. Terrified of putting myself out there. Which, I have been learning is what starting a business is all about. The more I put myself out there, and step outside my comfort zone to do things that I don’t necessarily want to do, but rather attend because my intuition is screaming at me to do so, have brought huge learning opportunities for myself and has allowed my confidence to grow.

For the longest time, I was afraid to take action steps, reach my goals and make my dreams happen. I was closed off, trapped within this bubble of doubt, fear, and not feeling good enough. One of the best lessons, I have learned throughout this journey so far is to trust my intuition, and listen to my gut. Every time I have done so, it hasn’t let me down. While taking the initial steps in stepping outside your comfort zone can be scary at first, the more you do it, the more easier it will become. In times when, my head can overrule my intuition, I give myself to the universe, asking for guidance while always trusting that it will be there for me, even if I do fall.

Throughout my spiritual journey, along the way, there have been ups and downs. Things haven’t always turned out exactly the way I planned and even now, the universe has a way of surprising me. Each and every day. I am learning more and more, that as long as you put yourself out there, and set the intentions of what it is you want, the universe will always give it back to you, in more ways than one.  

For me, I spent the last little while, living two feet outside my body. I wasn’t present, and I wasn’t putting myself out there. I was meditating, wishing, thinking, and dreaming, but not taking the action steps to go along with the process. When the universe sees you putting in this effort, it will then help you on this process. It’s simple, what you put into things is what you get out of it. Sometimes, stepping out of our comfort zones is one of these things we have to do. But sometimes, it’s not that simple. There can be fear, a lot of it. Fear is just an illusion. We are often so trapped up in fear, that we forget that we have the power to fight fear.

What would be a step you take that would allow you to step outside your comfort zone today?

This Isn’t Who We Are Supposed To Be

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We are all one. One body. One mind. One soul.

We are all one essence. One true self. One being. We are one being made up of numerous parts, put together to live on Earth and adapt to the physical world. We are all one. We always have been and always will be. We are one, made up of many different parts, particles, and pieces. Despite our many different organs and systems, we are one. One body. One mind. One soul.

We always have been one.

It’s hard to understand ourselves as one when we have been thinking, living and breathing in the physical world, and have adapted to life on Earth. Here we are taught from medical models, scientific, evidence-based thoughts and factual analytics. We are taught to think in black and white and to follow rules in relation to what is right and what is wrong.

When things are grey, we panic.

We aren’t used to operating in grey areas, we aren’t use to problem solving in grey areas. We believe in the truth. We believe in the truth set forth by society, a truth set forth by government, a truth set forth by others. We believe that this truth is our truth, we believe that this world, the structure, the society is who we are and how we are supposed to live. The moment we step foot outside the society, become different, or attempt to embrace our true selves, we are criticized and judged. We learn to believe from a young age that we are not good enough, ourselves, our beings, our life, the journey we were set forward to live, we learn to believe that we are not good enough to be in it, that is unless we adapt, unless we learn to follow rules, believe in a truth that isn’t, see life in a way that wasn’t meant to be, and believe that this is how our lives are supposed to be. We are taught through education. We are taught through government. We are taught through religion. We are taught through our parents own values and beliefs. We are taught through media, news, and other’s individual views. But what about our own views? What about our own beliefs? What about who we are? What about where we are?

We lose sight of spirituality and the concept of intuition. 

We fail to understand there is a non-physical world, a life after death and the process of life after death. We become lost in black and white thinking, black and white believing. We are all one. Built the same, made the same, and will be the same when we leave this life. We are all one, yet nothing seems like it is one. We don’t seem like we are one. How is it then that we go back to being one?

Look. See. Feel. Speak.

Look at the world around you. Look at life and death. See where things don’t line or don’t make sense. See yourself, inside of you, feel yourself. Try to move back the layers to what is true, and what is you. Feel that feeling inside, the one you can’t explain, the one you would never explain. What does it want? What does it say? Listen to it, see it, believe it. That feeling, that being, that believing, that is you, that is all you.

Take some time to breathe. Take some time to think.

Close your eyes. Breathe in. Breathe out. Imagine a light from the top of your head that goes up to the outside world, that travels high above the sky and into the universe. Take that light, and bright it through your body. Focus on how you feel, and on who you want to be. Words and thoughts will form and you will think that this isn’t who you are supposed to be, but trust that this is who you are supposed to be. You will feel that this is who you are supposed to be. Take this feeling, take the thoughts, and hold on to the believing. The more you slowly begin to see, the more you slowly begin to change the way you think and what you believe, will lead you closer to who you want to be.

Never feel you cannot be who you want to be.

We are all brought here to be the person, the individual that we are supposed to be. It is the outside factors, of society, of life, it is these factors that take us away from being, from seeing and from believing. Always believe. Always see. Always be. Always be who you want to be. Who you want to be is who you are supposed to be and what we are supposed to see.

 

 

You Have Always Been There

If you are reading this, please look after yourself. If you are reading this, please care about yourself.

You are so much more than you know. We are so much more than we know. We bring light to the darkness and we fight fires with love. We are beings. We are one, one body, one mind, one soul. It is inside ourselves and we are whole. It is inside ourselves we are true. It is inside ourselves that you are you. Please, if you are reading this, don’t be afraid to be you.

We are born, brought to earth, brought to life with a purpose, a meaning, a soul, created into a human being. Longing, knowing that we were once whole. We become welcomed into the physical world. As a being. An essence. A soul. We lose sight of the non-physical world as we grow. We also lose sight of us, who we are, who we will be, and where we will be, it all becomes lost within our soul.

Over time we learn to adapt. We learn to live. We learn to love. We learn to feel. And things become real. We continue to move with life, journey through a world, learning wrong from right. We develop emotions, an essence, a feeling. The physical world slowly creates are being. Society impacts us. Views. Beliefs. Truths. False meanings. Lack of seeing. Lack of believing.

We become surrounded within a society of emotions, of light, of love and darkness, of hurt, of pain, the feelings of grief in those that remain. We become lost in ourselves, lost in a world in which remains buried deep inside of us. We remain afraid. Afraid of feeling. Afraid of seeing. Afraid of believing. More importantly afraid of being.

We live in constant fear. Completely unaware. Thinking that we are aware. Thinking that we are there. Wishing that we were somewhere. If you are reading this, know that you are here. If you are reading this, know that we are here. If you are reading this, know that you are in there. We are all brought here, to love ourselves and to find ourselves. Who we are is there, it has always been there.

Finding who we are, being who we are, seeing who we are creates meaning. It starts with believing, feeling and seeing. Feeling the truth, the trust, seeing the creation of the outside world around us, knowing that there is more to life than just us. This can be difficult as our emotions and fears bury us deep inside. As we build intuition, trust the universe, trust our purpose, our body, our mind our soul, the more of us we slowly begin to know. The universe is more than what we know. We are more than what we know.

There Was This Girl

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She was lost. Lost inside herself. Trapped in views of others. Confined with unrighteous beliefs. She was trying to see. She was trying to be. Someone. Something. She tried to be what others wanted her to be. She thought this was who she was supposed to be. This, however, wasn’t who she wanted to be.

There was this girl, who could never be, who she wanted to be.

So she escaped, into her imagination. She escaped into her mind. Constricted herself into her soul. She did this for protection. She did this to be safe. She locked her innocents inside. Her imagination was the only place in which others could relate. A world. A place that was safe.

There was this girl, who could only be what she thought others wanted to see.

It was on the outside that she failed to be, that she failed to hope, that she failed to see, who she was and who she wanted to be. She was clever. She was smart. And in her imagination she was free. It was in her imagination she could be, whatever she wanted to be. Outside of her imagination she only showed others what they wanted to see.

There was this girl, who wasn’t this girl anymore.

She struggled to share. She struggled to relate. She struggled to regulate. Emotions stormed together. Thoughts. Stories. Words. The brilliance of life. It all echoed in her head. The key, the light to who she was stay buried within her soul. The light is buried in a place the girl doesn’t even know. A light that now may never show. A light that now she may never know. A light that once tried to glow.

There was this girl, who tried to show what it was she wanted others to know.

Only a few times she tried to let others know. Only a few times she tried to do so. She felt a love. She felt a trust. She felt that she was good enough. There were only a few times that she wanted others to see, everything she was meant to be. She wanted others to see who she wanted to be.  She tried hard for them to see. She tried so hard to be. The person that she wanted to be. She showed them who she was, and how she craved comfort and love. However, she was scared that who she was would never be good enough. All she wanted others to see was everything she was meant to be.

There was this girl who lost sight of who she was. There was this girl who grew up believing she wasn’t good enough.

And now, she doesn’t see everything that she is meant to be.

 

 

 

 

Dear Girl,

You were happy once. Full of life, full of love. You were happy once. I remember the day you were born, the joy that you brought to your parents, the joy that filled inside your brother. Your hazel eyes sparkled. You had two feet and ten toes, two hands, and ten fingers. As you cried out you knew you were loved, loved by me, loved by everyone. You knew with all your innocence that you were here on Earth, you made the journey to the very place you were supposed to be.

As I held you for the first time, as I held all my grandchildren for the first time, loved formed, a love that was there before you were born. A love that was there before you entered the universe before you entered Earth. A love that was always meant and always continued to be there. There was love and then I felt a different connection. A connection that was hard to explain, a connection meant to be more, a knowledge that our lives were meant to be more. Holding you helped me to see the world that was centered around me. From the moment I looked into your eyes, I knew you were different. A unique, a good, a beautiful kind of different.

When you got older, there was your laugh, that little giggle, the one that brought joy to anyone who saw you, to anyone who entered the same room. You turned heads, brought light, and gave out love and you received loved. Often as your parents would take you out, on a walk around the block, a journey to the waterfront, a program at the local library, and to church, people would stop and stare. Your presence to them was mesmerizing.

Slowly you began to explore the world around you. You started to walk. But for some reason, struggled to talk. A team of doctors followed you and eventually diagnosed you. This team put you on a path within the medical world of treatment and words of stigma. This team however adored you. They connected with your energy and they felt your love. They did their best despite the every lasting effect. Your speech. Your voice. Your love. Somehow it all vanished. Somehow it all became one, that was then undone.

Growing up, you were lost between both worlds, struggling to breathe, to see, to believe. You needed time to connect and disconnect. Other’s struggled to see. You constantly called out to me. My walls guarded, I let you down. Failed you in so many ways. More than one. You must know dear girl, that I did love you and that I did cherish you. My love remained unseen, other’s love remained unseen.

You needed time, time to take the world in, time to think and sort through the overpowering thoughts within your head. You needed time. Except life moved on all around you and there wasn’t time. You were caught up in a storm that turned ugly.  A storm that brought darkness, the black covering the gray. As this storm grew there was more dark. A soul that failed to spark. It covered what was left inside, and your imagination grew wide. You lived inside a world, one of  fairy tales and make-believe. Hoping. Holding. Hiding. The world my dear girl was your safest place. Sometimes as you withdrew I would look at your hazel eyes, wondering if it was even you. You lost your light, you lost your love. While I lost sight of who I was. I thought that if I could be something everyone wanted me to be, a mother that was strong, a grandmother that was bright. A fighter. A believer. A payer. A teacher. I went along believing, thinking I was true, thinking that I knew. My heart was kind, my eyes were wise, my head held knowledge but I remained broken inside. I know what it’s like to struggle to be you, to struggle to be real and true.

I want you to know now that you are here because of you. You are here in this world because you are you.  You are here to be true. True to you. It might be hard to see this at times, to realize the truth when you’ve lived in a world of untruth. But eventually, as life moves on you will see how everything was meant to be. Things will get better my girl, I promise you. Keep going. Keep pushing. Keeping fighting. Fight for who you are and who you want to be. Things may get scary, and life may get rough. Keep going my girl, despite now not being able to see, that one day, all your hopes and dreams, life plans and goals, will be true, will become true, as long as you stay true to you.

Love always,

Granny.

Becoming Heard

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Something comes from nothing. Nothing comes from something. Overpowered. Over spoken. Unvalued. Unheard. Words form. Sentences are made. We try and be outspoken, but we are left, unheard, overlooked, and provoked. Speak up. Be noticed. Gain attention. Use a voice. We are still left unheard. Inside we are screaming. Outside, we barely blink. Who understands? Who hears? We cry. We beg. We plead. We are unnoticed. A voice that is unimportant. Not good enough. Never good enough. Unheard. We are unheard.

Who will answer us? Who will come to us? Who will wrap their arms around us? Listen. Listen. We are here. We are there. We are everywhere. Screaming. Loudly. Silently. Screaming. Over and over again. Just like the first time. Just like the last time. Just like the next time. We are unheard.

Children. We are children. We want to be heard, want to be noticed, and want to be loved. Somehow, somewhere along the way, we became unheard. Now we are lost inside, trapped amongst feelings, emotions, and thoughts. We are lost. Unnoticed. Unheard. What happened to you? What happened my child, to make you unheard? A traumatic event, an overflowing storm? A trust that has vanished along the way? What happened to you? What happened my child, to make you unheard?

Inside we feel unheard. Inside we break. Inside we plead. Inside we hope. We grasp hold of our surroundings. Anything to make us believe, anything to make us see. We are here We are everywhere. My child, please listen, we are here. Hurt. Pain. Heartbreak. Broken promises. Broken hope. We walk with beating hearts. We walk with bleeding hearts. We cope with unhealthy mechanisms, anything to take the pain away. We turn to anyone, those to make us feel wanted, those who make us feel valued, those who make us feel loved and those, who make us feel unheard.

How is it then that we become heard? Lost in the motion and movement of today, of every day. People. Places. Things. Everything circles around us. Life moves fast. Events happen. A journey is created. Our voices remain lost amongst the motion and the movement, amongst us, lost within our soul. Speak up, my child. Let’s hear your voice. Let’s feel your thoughts, and sneak the emotions to see life within your soul. You are here. You are everywhere. Speak up my child, it’s time to become heard.

Heard. A voice, that echoes from within. A voice that surfaces. A voice that becomes valued. A voice that’s believed. A voice that’s dominated. Heard. We are and will be heard. Heard within us. Heard within our soul. We are and will be heard.  Close your eyes. Speak your truth. Sneek your truth That’s your voice. Your power. Everything stands within, life forms from within. We see, we live, we love, the physical world around us, but it’s in the non-physical that life forms, that we form and we become heard. We have always and will always be cherished, loved, wanted. We hold value, faith, and hope. Our guides guide us, listen to us, respect us. We become heard and are never unheard.

We transform. We grow. We develop. We turn inside out. We bloom like flowers. We leave our cocoons like butterflies. We fly free. We fly high. We build our intuition. We develop trust and grow within ourselves. We let go, try not to look back. We run. Fast and far away. We run from ourselves and from those around us. Please, my child, don’t be afraid, as feelings and emotions form, love will develop. Please, my child, decide to stay.

The search may seem endless. Our voices may seem distant. A truth unbelievable. A life that’s become forgotten. Searching brings up nothing. We bury ourselves, blockade ourselves. We lose ourselves. We pretend in something that is more than. Within our souls, as we journey towards a path of discovery, we become heard. Our lives, our childhoods, and our dreams, inside ourselves we become heard. We build our intuition, connect to our higher selves, retrieve messages for our spirit guides and teachers. This is how we how we stay heard. On the outside. On the inside. This is how we stay heard.

3 Reasons Why You Should Use Your Intuition

Our intuition builds, guides, and directs us throughout our journey here on earth, and throughout the entirety of our lives. We all are brought here accepting our intuition, our path, our purpose. We understand the universe and we open our hearts to receive trust. Fear is oblivion. We learn to rely on others to look after us, to make us feel safe and secure.

Our intuition has always been there. It has developed before we are born before we are babies before we were fetuses inside our mother’s stomachs. Our intuition has always been there. Somewhere along the way, we lost our own trust. We watched others lose their own trust. Our intuition became lost, within ourselves, somewhere inside us, somewhere in the energy outside us. Despite the fear and lack of trust, our intuition is always there. Just as we are also always there.

Have you ever had a gut feeling, that is so strong and true? Has this gut feeling helped make a decision, shape a path, reach a goal? Have you ever wondered about the choices you have made and how you ended up in the position you are in today? Or questioned about how things aligned in life? More than likely, our intuition, that gut feeling has let us to create stories and develop many of the decisions and aspects in our lives.

1) Our Intuition Is Always Right

Our Intuition is always right. It always takes us to where we need to go and helps us to see what we need to see. Sometimes, fear creeps in to create logic, to create worry. All this can lead to distrust, failing to let our intuition to guide us and bring us to where we need to go. Sometimes I play a game and look backwards at my life, to see the choices I’ve made to help understand the bigger picture, to help see why I am here, and how I got to be in this very moment. There were times when, I didn’t trust my intuition and failed to see, hope and believe. Going through those times helped me learn to trust the feeling from within and listen to my intuition. Using my intuition, I have been able to:

  • Attend the Hay House Writers Workshop in Toronto. In which I learned so much about publishing, self-publishing and building a platform.
  • That let me to sharing my writing with family and friends, and creating this blog. These are all things I was afraid of doing, somehow believing my writing was not enough.
  • Which then let me to building onto my dream of publishing a book the beginning stages of my business as an intuitiveness coach.
  • And finally, putting in an application and attending an interview to a part-time psychotherapy program, leading me off the path of social work.

Our intuition guides us in ways that sometimes we don’t understand ourselves. Our intuition, and that gut feeling, the one that comes from deep inside our soul, is always right. Living in a logic, evidenced-based, scientific society, we may not believe and we may fail to see our intuition at times. We can be left to believing in fact and non-fiction. Regardless, our intuition is always there. It is everywhere.

2) Our Intuition Helps Us On a Daily Basis

As we go through our daily lives, we make choices and decisions that influence others and ourselves. Decisions and choices can be anything from “what should I wear today?” to “should I go get coffee before work?” to “do I send this email to a client or coworker?” to “do I make this phone call?” to “what should I do for lunch?” Unknowingly we often use our intuition on a daily basis. It comes down to what actions do we take when making these choices and decisions. And sometimes, let’s face it, we may be stressed, struggling, and overwhelmed in moments when it comes to making the decisions and choices.

Sometimes it’s as simple as listening to the first thought that comes into your head. Sometimes we debate our answers and actions over and over again. We may change our outfits, rewrite an email, change our minds at the last minute, even when we think we are satisfied. Sometimes, things can happen out of the blue that completely change the decision or choice we were finally happy with, an answer we finally concluded on.

Have you ever thought about why things happen the way they do? Maybe it’s hard to think of this in the given moment, but maybe the thought comes after a series of events happen that day? Maybe it’s a number of bad moments that happen one after another. Maybe it’s sporadic hurtful words that are said in a moment you feel emotionally defeated. Try and look more closely at what is real, what is true, and understand that everything aligns eventually, even when nothing seems to make sense at all.

I play a game sometimes throughout the day. I look at the email’s I get and try to see if I can predict what the message is without knowing the content. I do it with my text messages and phone calls as well. I can feel other’s emotions and understand the meaning. Sometimes it’s an emotion I feel that leads me to send a message, to find an answer, to see into a decision. The more I play this game, to more I can see, understand and use my intuition to help with the choices and decisions I make on a daily basis.

Our intuition is not something we turn on and off. We may block it out because we are afraid to trust, to know and to see. Try to pay more attention to what goes on in the day, or after the day is over and reflect on what happened, the decisions you made and the choices you took. See how they align and look in between. Through every moment our intuition is there, it is always there, often unexpectedly, often unknowingly.

3) Intuition Answers the Unknown Questions

Our intuition guides us. It’s always there. Living. Breathing. Speaking. It’s somewhere, lost between faith, hope, and belonging. Our intuition guides us, even when we may not believe, feel or see. Our intuition guides us through the unknown. It brings forth answers, to questions that may seem impossible to figure out or understand. Intuition brings knowledge and knowledge diminishes fear. By allowing to let our intuition guide us, we go from the unknown to the known.

Have you ever wondered why things happen the way they do? How scientific ideas were invented? How Musicians and Actors became well known? And How Athletes managed to go Pro?

Albert Einstein had a dream that lead him to develop the speed of light. An angel came to Paul to tell him to write the bible. Authors. Actors. Musicians. Athletes. CEOs. Poets. Public Speakers. Presidents. Prime Ministers. Intuition is part of everyone, it’s within our soul, and comes from the universe, from the in between. Intuition can be developed through imagination. Feelings. Judgment. Dreams. All these individuals followed their intuition, they trusted their gut and somehow believed that things would work out, knowing exactly how they were supposed to be.

What are your dreams, and your goals? What does your intuition tell you about where you are supposed to be?

There is always more out there than what there is right now. What does your gut tell you? Maybe it’s a goal you’re developing on working towards, or a thought, a dream that’s been in the back of your mind, something you’ve been afraid to come forward with. Afraid that maybe others will see this goal or this dream as not good enough or maybe you feel that this goal or this dream is not good enough. Take a breath in. Know that you are good enough. Trust in your intuition and listen to where it wants you to go. And as we continue to follow the truth within ourselves, we will get answers, to questions, and begin to see a world that is bigger than the unknown.