We Are Divided

I’ve been taking time lately to centre myself. To reflect. To connect inward. To understand and see what has been holding me back. To accept things, I cannot change. To change things I cannot accept. I have been looking inward instead of looking outward.

I feel this mean to create, dream and be inspired. I feel this desire to unleash myself and connect to my truest potential.

It’s been over a month since I have gotten out of the hospital. Since I have gone back to living my life. I have spent this month listening to my intuition and sitting in my truth. At first, this was hard to do. There were so many defences. There still are defences. There is always work to be done on ourselves. No matter where we are at in life, it is never too late to do self-work, to build and grow yourself.

Society paints us a picture of what our lives should look like. It tells us what you should do when you are done high school, tells us to go to college. It tells you that after college, you need to find a career. It tells you to work in that career until you retire. Then when you retire it rewards you. It tells you are now able to spend your hard-earned money. It tells you that you now have free time to travel, to explore, and to discover yourself.

We work our whole lives for a house maybe, a couple cars if that, a trip once or twice a year, maybe not at all. We work our whole lives for our children so that they have a better life than we did. We sacrifice. We make decisions with our thoughts and minds. We try to be logical. We try to be heard, want to be accepted, and longed to be loved.

Society tells us to get married and build families. Society tells us to have children young, but not too young. Society tells us to abide by rules and regulations. Society determines our government despite our right to vote. Society likes to control, likes to create consumerism, and targets marking audiences. Society has us wrapped around their fingers. They let us advocate to an extent so that we can think that we are doing something good. They let us step out of line a bit only to put us back in line.

What if that line fell apart? What if we fell off the line? Take a moment to reflect on that. What would your life be like? What would the world itself be like?

Think back to times when the rules and regulations for the government did change? What happened then to make it change? What movements were in place?

There was the American Revolution, a war that established the United States of America, at least that’s what we were taught. We tend to forget that the Native Americans, the indigenous peoples established North American as a whole, long before we entered the world, long before we called it home.

We fail to look at colonization and how we tour the indigenous cultural apart. We failed to look at how the Western culture longed for power and control, brought it over from Europe, sailed it across the seas, dating it back for centuries. We fail to see that this is very much still here today. We look away from the abuse we caused. We look away from residential schools which tour families apart, took away the culture and language which anyone, any individual would hold close. We viewed the way children were raised within the indigenous culture as indifferent, and removed children from their homes during the Sixties Scoop. We look away from the number of missing and murdered aboriginal women that continues to rise. We look away from the number of indigenous families who live in poverty, live in places that have no running water, live in places that have a lack of income and food. We live within this identity belief that poverty is present only in third world countries. We tend to forget that it is very much present in our backyards.

There was the Civil Rights Movement which was created to bring equal rights to African Americans. We signed a bill and created change, in a way to forget the horrors we put their culture through, the abuse and racism we brought upon them. Some of us ignore the fact, that the black lives matter movement is still very much and present today. Thousands, millions of African American individuals come together to advocate for their rights, advocate for acceptance, for love and for a voice.

We take fault to the LGBTQ population. We diminish their right to be loved and give love. We tell them that they are wrong and what they believe in not right. We tend to forget and embrace Pride. We forget that love is love is love. Why can we not live in a world where it does matter who we love, and the way we love?

The Women’s Movement follows suit. The fight for equal rights. The fight for women to vote. The fight to empower feminism. The fight to bring feminism to an equal playing field, aligned with masculine. Still today there are marches and protests made in solidarity.

There are movements against wars, Donald Trump and immigration laws. Voices are raised. Marches are created. People around the world come together in solidarity. Some show support while others create hate.

Today, the hate crimes on race and sexuality continue.

White supreme religions say they empower, accept and love one another. Klux Klan and neo-Nazi organizations. Even the mainstream religions at times. They have views on how society should be. They reduce freedom of speech, the freedom to be yourself, the freedom to love yourself and embrace yourself. In reality, some of these religions increase hate and increase racism. They bring judgement to those who are indifferent to them.

In today’s world, society strives on control, tells us how to behave, what we should believe and how we should think.

Some of us get born into these religions. Some of us break free. Some of us stay—maybe in fear, or maybe our thoughts and mindset are so wired that they cannot express their selves or connect to their selves. Some tell us how to act and what to wear. Some have rituals. Some embrace the bible. Some hate the bible.

There is Hinduism. Buddhism. Islam. Jainism. Christianity.  Judaism. Shintoism. Skhism. Taoism. Wicca. Zoroastrianism. All have different beliefs. All hold different faiths.

Islam, Hinduism, and Buddhism are the top three largest religions in the world.

Yet, there is such a public embrace on Christianity that we tend to forget this. We look at their faults and abandon our own. It is easier to blame someone else for our mistakes then accept them ourselves.

We live in fear, live in fault, glut and shame. We are afraid of these religions. We are afraid to be depowered. We are afraid to be called out for what we have done, and the mistakes we have made.

Within the Roman Catholic Religion, the Pope holds all the power. Some worship the Pope as much as they worship the Queen of England. They look past the heartbreaks from the residential schools, and the amount of sexual abuse in the church.

They look past the domestic violence and the masculinity they embrace. They blame these things on other religions, forgetting it is present in their own.

While all the religions around us hold different views, beliefs, purpose and meaning, we are all searching for the same thing. We all want love. We all want acceptance. We want faith. We want a higher vibration and a connection to the Universe.

Around us, Society has created a divide. Within society we burry secrets. We struggle to accept ourselves on the inside. We look to the outside for validation.

We join movements so we have a voice, so we can be heard, so we can be loved and accepted. At the end of the day, we all want to be treated equal, be on equal levels, viewed not as some but as one.

We join religion, cults and spiritual groups to understand the universe and our lives within it. We look for meaning, a meaning to make sense of our physical beings. We try to connect to our spiritual beings. There is this longing inside us all. A longing many of us search for, a desire, a want, a need to be welcomed home.

Lets put the society aside for a minute. Lets let go of their expectations, the names and labels. In your mind try separate spirituality from religion. Break the two of them apart and focus on spirituality as a whole. What does it mean to you? What does spirituality create for you?

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Resurfacing

Let me explain my situation to you and what I have come to realize over the last two months. On June 24, 2019 my life completely changed when entered into the hospital due to out of control panic attacks and thoughts of suicide. I stayed in hospital until July 22, 2019. During my time in the hospital, I had:

  • Sever panic attacks and dissociation
  • Flashbacks and nightmares and I later was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
  • Constant thoughts of suicide and self-harm tendencies resulting from a new diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder.

I could see my purpose, value or self-worth in life. I had hit one of the lowest points in a blink of an eye. All the stressors in my life including my job and historical trauma crept up on me and then suddenly took a hold of me. I was so far gone, that I just had enough. I had enough of living and I had enough of being me.

Feelings came out that I had bottled up inside for so long. My emotions were out of control. My environment was out of control. I went from working extensive hours, attending a psychotherapy program part-time, and working on my business to dropping it all as I found myself in a mental health inpatient program.

When I got out, the first week, I had little follow up from the hospital. I found myself somehow thrown back into my life and I did not want to be in my life. The first week, I met with my counsellor twice and saw my family doctor. I was completely broken, lost in a system shock. I went through changes one after the other. I couldn’t handle it.

I was not stable enough to go back to my full-time job and I was without realizing it, around $70,000 in debt. I could even tell you had I had bought to be that much in debt. I mean sure I had a student loan to pay off like most people in their late twenties do, but I also had maxed out three credit cards, had a line of credit that was maxed out and had begun to finance a brand new 2018 car in the spring of last year.

There was no income coming in. I had used up all my short term benefits when I was in the hospital for a month and I had no idea how to pay the rent for the following month, let alone any of my bills. I was stuck and drained and exhausted. Being thrown into this mess, that I had create for myself was too much for me to handle on top of my mental health breakdown.

I thought there was no way out. I attempted suicide the following Wednesday after being released from the hospital. On the Thursday, I found myself back in the ER again, only to be let go a few hours later. Following this suicide attempt, I withdrew completely from my medications. I found myself with no other choice but to begin to rebuild my life again.

It started slowly, very slowly. I ignored the phone calls from my bank and credit card companies. I stopped going to see my counsellor and the outpatient services the hospital offered me for a few weeks. I was tired of everyone telling me how to recover, how to build my life back together. After all, it is my life and your life is your life.

What works for someone else may not work for you, despite whatever research or evidence is out there.

I began to listen to my intuition fully, something I put off doing for so long. I trusted my gut. I let go of what did not feel right in my life and started to embrace the things that did. I started to write again. Surprisingly as I did this, I began to find joy amongst all the darkness. Writing was something I always wanted to do. So I wrote for pretty much a week straight, ignoring everything else.

I started going to different Meetups and Events. I attended different writing groups and met people who liked to write just like I did. I spent a lot of time with my Aunt Susan, who has been my rock and main support through all of this.

It took almost another week until I started to make appointments, and surface back to reality again. I continued to go see my family doctor. I went back to see my counsellor and also started DBT therapy with another counsellor. I made appointments and phone calls to banks and credit card companies. I opened my bills. I met with financial consultants. I started to make repayment plans for my debts. I even quit my full-time job, coming to the conclusion that my own health and wellbeing were more important.

Along the way, there were times when things did get heavy for me and things were overwhelming for me. I have learned more life lessons in these past two months than in my lifetime. I had to find courage and fight of fear. I decided to stop ignoring my intuition and started to listen to the spiritual being inside of me.

While I am not fully recovered in any way I have made some major changes in life, that I can now see are for the better. In terms of my recovery, it will always be something I am working on. I am aware there will be good moments and bad moments. However, in this short time I took to start to find myself again:

  • I stopped having panic attacks every day
  • I stopped having major flashbacks, nightmares, and dissociations
  • I stopped hiding in closets and small spaces
  • I started to make really be decisions on things I had put of for so long
  • I started to make a repayment plan for my debt
  • My thoughts of suicide lessened to a huge extent
  • My acts of self-harm stopped as soon as I got out of the hospital

I went into the hospital and stayed for as long as I did for a reason. I needed time and a safe place process memories and emotions I had buried for so long. While some nurses were helpful and somewhere not, some programs were also helpful and somewhere not.

I think the biggest thing that influenced my recovery as much as it did, was that I stopped listening to what other people and healthcare professionals thought was right, especially if it was not sitting right with me. I think the thing about mental health and healthcare, is that often working professionals fail to understand the complex trauma that often comes with the diagnosis. Many staff may not be trained in understanding how complex trauma and your inner child impacts your feelings, thoughts, and emotions.

I do agree with my own mental health diagnosis. However, there were a lot of individuals I met in the hospital who struggled to figure out their diagnosis as well as some who did not agree with their diagnosis. I understand, coming from a background in child welfare and social work that mental health is a tricky thing, and for someone to understand their own mental health and how it impacts them throughout the day is hard enough as it is.

The mental health and health care systems need to begin to under how childhood trauma can impact one’s behaviors and actions as an adult. I also feel that one’s inner connection with their own self needs to be focused on so that they can begin to find joy, build unconditional love in their self, and start to understand who they are.

I do not want to be the one that tells to stop taking your medications or following advice from healthcare professionals. The message I am trying to get across is for you to listen, you know to that voice inside of you, that feeling that you hold. Listen to your intuition and trust your gut.

At the end of the day, you are responsible for your own health and wellbeing. You are in charge of your recovery and your journey. When all else fails, let go of whatever it is that you are holding on to and trust your intuition.

If you take action, the universe will take action.

What are you going to do for yourself today? What is your intuition telling you?

Accepting Ourselves

We live in a world, that is fast, active, and always on the go. At times when it feels like we need a break, the world around us does not stop. Leaving us no time to stop. Without a choice, we keep going. We push the emotions and feelings inside of us while attempting to live our lives outside of us.

As a result, we become numb. We are left frozen inside. Unable to feel. Unable to think. Unable to connect to ourselves as well as to those we love around us.

We manage to go throughout the day on autopilot and often without even realizing we are on autopilot.  As we keep going our bodies go into survival mode.

We work because we have to work.

We eat because we have to eat.

We sleep because we have to sleep.

We socialize even at our lowest times.

We pile things on our plates.

We take our children to activities and sport programs.

We drive them places.

We attempt to clean our homes. We attempt to do laundry.

We do dishes.

We walk the dog. We play with the cat.

We take a shower.

We get groceries.

Sometimes, we exercise.

We pay the bills.

We put the stress aside, thinking that it is easier to ignore it than acknowledge it. Sitting in discomfort is uneasy. We get into a routine, repeating it over and over again. The same tasks. The same activities. The same chores. Our thoughts patterns and our behaviors get repetitive as our mind plays tricks on us, telling us that we are not worthy and leaving us to feel not good enough.

By the end of the day, we are exhausted physically and drained emotionally. There is no time left for ourselves, no time to process the emotions that have been bottled up throughout the day. There is no time to feel whatever is happening around us.

We become incapable of being present, unsatisfied in our beliefs, and unaware of our values. Slowly we stop looking after our own needs as we become trapped inside a caregiving role for others. We forget to care about ourselves. We forgot to love ourselves.

How much is too much?

What has got to give for you to be able to feel connected to yourself, loved by yourself, and accomplished by yourself?

It is not about doing things just because it is what is expected of you to do.

What it is you actually want to do?

Taking time to process our own needs is critical. If we continue to go on the way the world expects us to live, I can guarantee you that there will be a time in your life when you will mentally break.  There will be a time when the stress becomes too much to handle and there will be a time when you start to feel that suicide is the only way out, the only solution to the stop the overwhelming feelings that pile within you.

Our lives can crash around us in the blink of an eye. Change is everywhere. We cannot avoid it, but we can prevent it from taking control of our meaning, blocking us from our purpose, and letting the negative vibrations overpower us.

Changes happen. In our lives, shit happens. It can be good or bad. Through change, the universe leaves us lessons, it makes us stronger, embodied, and connected to our truth.

Sometimes it may seem like we are lost and disconnected from ourselves, unable to see light. Sometimes our bodies become so full of thoughts, feelings, and emotions, it becomes impossible to process them all. It is easy for us to look for an escape and an alternative way out.

Have you ever thought that maybe instead of clawing ourselves to the surface outward, to go inward under the surface?

When you go under the surface, you are often left with no choice than to rip off the bandaids, address stress, confront whatever you pushed aside, and feel the emotions. When we are left with no other choice but to face our fears, sit in our discomforts and acknowledge our weakness, our thoughts, and our feelings, our actions begin to change.

The more we begin to explore how whatever is weighing on us, and addressing whatever is weighing on us, the more we can heal.

There is no magic solution. No special pill you can take. Our emotions and feelings take time to process and results from our actions take time. I get wanting to rush things, as that is the way we are used to doing things as a society. It will take time to figure out the formula that works for you.

You can start the surface inward by getting to know you again, figuring out who you are, how to light the truth inside of you and reintroduce yourself to your hopes and dreams.

The more you surface inward, the deeper the connection will grow within you and that will flow to your life outside of you.

It was only about a month and a half ago that my life suddenly changed. Everything somehow got unrouted. Things came crashing down around me. It was as if an explosion hit me, a tornado forming inside of me. I lost track of reality, lost hold of my goals, my hopes, and dreams. I was left with no choice but to face the discomfort and go under the surface to find me.

Admitting that I was struggling, that I needed help and asking for support was one of the hardest things I had to do. I became vulnerable and unable to deal with the panic attacks, flashbacks, dissociation, and nightmares from my childhood trauma. Creating a safe space around me, I let myself go through it, acknowledge it, and admit that I was hurting from it.

During this time, not only did I find myself sitting in some of the lowest moments, I learned who the people were in my life that utterly and truly supported me. I began to go through the days moment by moment. I started a journey to get to know myself and began to embrace myself again.

I still have a long road to my recovery ahead of me. But I am determined to not let the trauma take ahold of me as it did for so many years. I accept now that it is a part of me, but it will not control me.

When I started to embrace the aspects I did fully and truly love about myself, I started to step into action. The more steps I did take, I started to accept more aspects of me and an unconditional love started to build within me.

It is not there all the way yet, and I understand the process will take a while to repair and reprogram the damages that were done to me. Throughout my journey I have learned that my past does not define me, it has helped build me, but also put beliefs into my life that were not made for me.

Now, however, I am ready to take on the challenge to fully embrace all aspects of me, to learn to love everything within me, to fulfill my goals and dreams, and most importantly listen to what my intuition is telling me.

Now who wants to join me?

Stepping Out of Our Comfort Zones

Stepping Out of Our Comfort Zones

Stepping out of our comfort zones can be scary. Trust me I get it. For the majority of us, stepping into the unknown, doing something uncomfortable to us can be frightening. Fear often steps in and it becomes easy to just avoid doing things that seem uncomfortable to us.

For the longest time, I lived within a bubble, afraid to experience the unknown, not wanting to sit in an uncomfortable feeling.

Have you ever had a sudden erg to step outside your comfort zone?

 A sudden erg to listen to your intuition, let go and trust what your gut is trying to tell you?

What our intuition tells us at times, may logically not seem right, and may seem unrealistic, despite the fact that it feels so realistic. We are often afraid to listen to our intuition and step out of our comfort zones as logical thoughts and societal norms can get in the way. It wasn’t until I began to step outside my comfort zone, that I really began to experience life.  I stopped listening to options of those around me and really began to listen to me, turning the negative messages in my head positive.

I had gone to a meeting yesterday, which turned out to a really good outcome. I had also planned to attend a meetup, in which I would be sharing my business pitch to a group of people. For some reason, the days leading up to the event, I didn’t want to go. I was afraid. Terrified of putting myself out there. Which, I have been learning is what starting a business is all about. The more I put myself out there, and step outside my comfort zone to do things that I don’t necessarily want to do, but rather attend because my intuition is screaming at me to do so, have brought huge learning opportunities for myself and has allowed my confidence to grow.

For the longest time, I was afraid to take action steps, reach my goals and make my dreams happen. I was closed off, trapped within this bubble of doubt, fear, and not feeling good enough. One of the best lessons, I have learned throughout this journey so far is to trust my intuition, and listen to my gut. Every time I have done so, it hasn’t let me down. While taking the initial steps in stepping outside your comfort zone can be scary at first, the more you do it, the more easier it will become. In times when, my head can overrule my intuition, I give myself to the universe, asking for guidance while always trusting that it will be there for me, even if I do fall.

Throughout my spiritual journey, along the way, there have been ups and downs. Things haven’t always turned out exactly the way I planned and even now, the universe has a way of surprising me. Each and every day. I am learning more and more, that as long as you put yourself out there, and set the intentions of what it is you want, the universe will always give it back to you, in more ways than one.  

For me, I spent the last little while, living two feet outside my body. I wasn’t present, and I wasn’t putting myself out there. I was meditating, wishing, thinking, and dreaming, but not taking the action steps to go along with the process. When the universe sees you putting in this effort, it will then help you on this process. It’s simple, what you put into things is what you get out of it. Sometimes, stepping out of our comfort zones is one of these things we have to do. But sometimes, it’s not that simple. There can be fear, a lot of it. Fear is just an illusion. We are often so trapped up in fear, that we forget that we have the power to fight fear.

What would be a step you take that would allow you to step outside your comfort zone today?

5 Common Struggles That Every Empathic Person Faces

As empaths, every day can sometimes be a struggle. Others emotions and energy often get attracted to us, good or bad. This can be tough, especially if you are in a busy work environment, a crowded area, event, or function. Our emotions tend to heighten as a result and sometimes we are left to feel all the emotions around us. This can become at times, overwhelming. We connect to others in a way that attaches them to us, draws them in and somehow we compel them. This can happen at any time and anywhere. Sometimes, we are just walking down the street,  we could be at the grocery store, a fitness class, or a social event. Then when the conversation is done, the event is completed and the day is over, we can be left feeling exhausted, introverting into our save place while cutting everything and everyone out around us.

I wanted to create this post to raise awareness that while sometimes there are advantages to being an empath, there are also disadvantages, common struggles that we all tend to go through. As I share my own top 5 struggles, I hope that some of you reading this can relate to some or all of the points. Please feel free to leave a comment and join in on the discussion to share what your struggles are as an empath. Together, I hope that we can build each other up and not bring each other down.

We Feel Too Many Emotions From Others

Often at times, emotions from others can get tangled up within our own. This can be hard a times to explain to those who are not empath. As empaths others emotions get attached to us and we are left to feel, overly feel.  It can feel as if the volume from the TV is turned up to full blast. That’s how an empath can feel. Everything is heightened. Emotions are often unmanageable. We may respond to things or feel things differently in the state of feeling someone else’s emotion than we would our own. You can feel the emotion through every part of your body, almost in the exact same way the other person is feeling this in their own body. This feeling can overpower you, and impact your ability to cope.

We Can Have A Hard Time Coping With Emotions

As empaths, when we feel all of these unwanted emotions, emotions that are not our own, we can eventually explode. We explode because sometimes we think these emotions are our own. It can be challenging distinguishing between someone else’s emotion and your own. Due to the fact that our sensitivity to feel emotions is so high, we struggle to cope. Sometimes our emotions are so heightened we can’t cope or we don’t know how to cope. It’s as if we are lost between two worlds, our own world and a world of someone else. We know our world, what works to calm ourselves down when we are upset, we know what to do what we have had too much, we know what works. In this other world, it is unknown. We don’t know this person’s coping strategies. We don’t know what works or what doesn’t work. What may work for us to calm ourselves down may not work for someone else’s feelings. There are times we struggle with these feelings inside. We can turn to unhealthy coping strategies as a result. Anything to try and shut the emotions down and block ourselves out. Drinking. Drugs. Spending Money. Sex. Food. Unhealthy relationships. Unusual behaviors. We try anything. Eventually, these unhealthy habits become challenging and even more exhausting. In turn, we struggle to connect with ourselves and connect with others. We struggle because we can’t cope, and this struggle then creates another struggle, and eventually another struggle. Eventually, we come to a place where we are overly sensitive not only to ourselves but to everyone around us.

We Can Be Overly Sensitive To Conflict

 When there is conflict, we can feel it from across the room. Sometimes the feeling, the sense of conflict can be so overpowering we avoid it. We keep to ourselves. Lock all the emotions inside, until then bam, they explode. Everything explodes. Emotions then get extremely high and of course, we feel these emotions when they are extremely high. They vibrate within our skin. They sink within our stomachs. They burry within our souls. The feeling becomes intensive. Utterly intensive. We then in turn try and get rid of the feeling, try and solve the conflict. By doing this, however, the emotions get bounced right back into us and while the conflict may eventually get solved, it is usually us who apologize. We take the fault and take the blame because we don’t want the other person or people involved to feel like they are nothing at all.

We Don’t Want to Hurt Other’s Feelings

When we feel so much at times, we can feel others hurt and others heartbreak. We have a high understanding and often feeling what is right from wrong, wrong from right and often feel the truth in others. Despite the fact that we may know we are right in the argument, we can to give in because we don’t want to those around us to get hurt. When we see or feel that others are hurt, our own heart hurts, just as much and maybe possibly more. We try and make things right, fix what may not be able to be fixed. We give constantly to others around us and expect very little in return. We live for praise and application. We live for acknowledgement and the truth. But while we hold these things value to us, we are able to understand that other’s can’t at time see the truth. We try hard to not put other’s down. We try not to create hurt, because at the end of the day, because as empath’s we hurt. We always hurt.

We Can Get Exhausted Being Around People

At the end of the day, we can get exhausted. As empaths, we are often catering to everyone else’s needs but our own and feeling their emotions and our own. We are constantly trying to do the right thing, but out the fight, fix what was broken and make it become right. We try. We are always trying. Even though we are empaths, we are human too, and just like everyone else. We have our own wants and our own needs. Sometimes it is hard for us to put those needs and wants first, to look after ourselves first. The more emotions and the more from others that we do bring in, we eventually see how important it is to look after yourself. It’s easy to become exhausted, and as a result, it’s easy at the end of the day to shut ourselves off from the world, lock ourselves away to give us time to recharge. Taking that time to recharge is much needed. If you are always constantly going and if you are always constantly feeling, while constantly giving, there then gets to be nothing left for ourselves. It’s important to take time throughout the day to make sure you are aware and feeling your own emotions and meeting your wants and needs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What Happens After Death?

frequency

Losing a loved one is hard. Often at times, we wonder, “why?”.  Life moves constantly. It is always moving forward. If we stop, it doesn’t stop. Life moves constantly. Even after death, life moves constantly. A soul always lives on. We always live on. We are brought into this world as one, one body, one mind, one soul, a physical being. We leave into the world as one. Sole. We go off into the universe, into the world between life and death, between heaven and earth. We go into a world, where we become one again, and then eventually leaving as one again.

It’s hard to understand the dying process, and even the concept of an afterlife while in the midst of grief. Grief can at times, take control of our bodies, and we become lost, searching for answers, searching for questions and looking for hope. We become absorbed into our emotions, sometimes not be able to break free again.

The Kübler-Ross model discusses the 5 stages of grief, ones we all go through after we lose someone that was important in our lives. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. The Kubler-Ross model makes the grieving process seem simple, put together in a linear form, that sometimes becomes nonlinear. The grieving process, however, is different for every individual who experiences it. Sure we may experience some or even all of the stages in the Kubler-Ross model, however, the grieving process looks more like a scribbled picture and a spiraling tornado. Most often as we go through a grieving process we are left with fear, fear of the unknown, and the question of what happens when we die and where did our loved one go?

A society, we have created fear as a stereotype to death. Fear of dying. Fear of the unknown. Fear of what is yet to come.  What happens when we die? Where do we go? What do we become? Some burry bodies in the ground. Other’s get criminated. Tombstones may be put up. Flowers dropped at a grave site, ashes may get spread. Cultures, religions, communities all have different views on the dying process and on the afterlife. As individuals, we also have different views on dying, death, life in general. And sometimes, that fear our society has created, makes it impossible for us to move on. We hold on to our beliefs. Heaven. Hell. Hope. Faith. We fill our minds with promises, we ensure ourselves, that our loved one is okay. And they are. They are always okay.

Throughout the dying process, our soul prepares to leave our body. It travels. Journeys in between us, journeys in between life, always coming back to our body, that is until we take the very last breath. Soul then becomes one, sole, and it absorbs the energy around us and around itself. The sole, it carries on. It may have left the human body, but it carries on. The sole always carries on. Despite the fact that the human form of the one you loved is gone, their sole always lives on. We always live on.

Our soul leaves our bodies when it is our time to move on to the next stage, the next process, the next journey in life. Our soul leaves because it’s time. Our life purpose, whatever that is supposed to be was reached. It is us that decides when it’s time to go, a decision that was made even before coming into this life. We all grieve in different ways. We are all unique. We are brought together as one and leave together as one. Grief. Death. Life after death. It may be impossible to understand at the moment, at the time someone you loved has passed away. Or it may be that your faith is strong and you feel that you have a belief, a hope, a sense that they are in Heaven and they are okay. They are always okay. Sometimes, during a grieving process, we may question this too.

As I began to connect with loved ones, soles that have become one, soles that are sent by spirit, messages that are meant to be received and passed forward, I have come to understand one very important thing. Our loved ones are always there. They are always with us. They flow within spirit, within the energy around us. They guide us. They protect us. As life constantly moves on and moves around us, they are there. They are always there. The next time you question why, the next time your emotions fade and anger has been erased, breathe in the energy and light around you. Feel their love. Feel their warmth. Your loved ones are there. They have always been here.

 

 

 

 

We Are More Than. Life is More Than.

Have you ever wondered why we are here? Have you ever wondered where we come from? Have you ever thought there is more to who we are, more to what we are? Have you ever thought there is more to the universe than what we see, than what everyone sees?

We are all here, searching endlessly. Looking for answers to unknown questions, to life that is beyond what we see. We are searching endlessly. Searching for more. Looking for less. Wanting to be something, wanting to be more than something. As the world moves around us, we float with it, endlessly searching, endlessly looking and half believing.

We half believe in a world created by others, created by opinions that influence our own. We are a society that is looking for logic, for evidence, for science and fact. We believe what we are expected to believe and what we are expected to see. Throughout our journey on earth, we often lose sense of who we are and where we came from. We lose sense of path, and our purpose. We also lose sense as to why we are here and sometimes even lack understanding to the journey that we created.

As we lose sense of ourselves, the world continues to move. Life moves. Everything moves. We move with it. Day by day. Moment by moment. Despite being lost amongst the atmosphere we continue to move forward, continue to create a story that was once uncreated, and then recreated. We are still stuck, lost, half believing what we are raised and what we feel we are supposed to believe.

I grew up half believing. I was taught there was a Heaven and Hell. I was told that if I was good, I’d go to Heaven and if I sinned I’d go to Hell. I was told to pray, to believe in God, to follow a religion. It was my mother’s way of showing us, of half believing, of wanting there to be more than life, than what was in front of us. It was my mother’s way of showing me that if I believed I could be more than. We could be more than.

This way of being more than, didn’t make sense to me. We are all meant to be more than. We are all meant to be. We are brought here to be. The divide in equality. The divide in good and bad. Is anything but what we are meant to be. We come as equal, we are born as equal. We come to live, live out a purpose, and find who we are within our souls. But we only half believe because that is all we are taught to develop. Somewhere in this endless illusion of time, our intuition becomes forgotten, our intuition becomes buried. Therefore, we can’t only half believe, we have to fully believe, in ourselves and who we are.

How can we fully believe in something that someone might not see as the truth? How can we fully believe in something that someone might not see as logic, as fact, as evidence. How can we fully believe and not only half believe? It’s an endless search, but not an impossible search. We must begin by looking within ourselves, and trusting the feeling within ourselves. We can feel it, that trust, within our gut. Even though we can feel it, often we over analyse it, until the feeling of trust is vanished, buried deep within our souls.

Our intuition holds our purpose and purpose holds power the power, the power, to discover who we are. The more we develop our intuition and the more we trust ourselves, we are able to see what lies before us and what lies within us. We are able to see the now. We are able to see and feel exactly where we need to be and what we need to do. Look at your life. Look at where you are now and where you were. Everything happens for a reason. Life forms around us as if everything and everyone where meant to be. We are all meant to be. We are more than what we see.

Next time, you have that feeling of trust, the one that echoes throughout your body, listen to it. Feel it. Believe it. Go with it. See where it takes you and look for the truth. It is through the truth that you may be able to see that we are all more than what we are supposed to be. We are more than. Life is more than.

Understanding Darkness

Darkness can be this enteral black fog, that swirls around your energy, sucking out the light, and love. Darkness can be the tears we cry when we have nothing left to give. Darkness can be finding out you or your loved one are dying or have an untreatable illness. Darkness can be depression and anxiety, the thoughts that cloud our head, make it impossible to carry on. Darkness can be trauma, a storm that never seems to end, one that started from your childhood and has carried on to your child’s childhood. Darkness can be fear, fear of unleashing your truth, the inability of being able to understand yourself. Darkness can be the lies we tell others to hide the truth. Darkness can be addiction or conflict, the emotions you are unable to let go of, situations you are able to leave. Darkness can be war, fighting, and violence. Darkness can be anything that blocks out peace, love, and truth. Darkness can swallow you inside yourself and leave you screaming silently, wanting more than anything to escape, to get to the light and be able to undercover who you are. Darkness. It’s all around us.

In the darkness, moments at times more so fast, you forget who you are and what you are meant to be. In the darkness, moments can move so slow they trap you inside yourself. Darkness comes from our own fears, emotions, and insecurities. Darkness comes from hurt. Darkness comes from nothing, a nothing that becomes something, that something becoming unstoppable emotions. Darkness at times can take control of us and make is into monsters that are full of self-hatred and guilt. Darkness lets us on a path of self-destruction and forgetfulness. Darkness lets us forget who we are and what we are meant to be. Darkness lets us forget the universe, the creation of self and the ability to see beyond what lays in front of us.

It’s interesting to think that somewhere up in the universe, we created our lives, before we entered them. We chose the paths we wanted to take and darkness we wanted to face. We created the life we are in for a reason, a reason to lead you on your own path of self-discovery and your own process of finding the truth. There is no easy way to face the darkness. Often at times, self-destruction is the only thing we know. As we go on existing, hiding in the shadows, burying emotions in the back of our minds, and letting our thoughts get buried in our subconscious, we become lost in ourselves. As we go on existing, we become lost in our imagination. We forget who we are. We forget to see the truth. We live in fear. Fear of ourselves. Fear of the darkness.

The darkness has been with us through our lifetime and through past lifetimes. It follows us, that is until we face it, until we decide to end it and say that we had enough. That lifetime of fear, hurt, grief, shame, guilt, disappointment, and distrust is all we have ever known, and sometimes all we will ever know. It’s easier to let yourself self-destruct at the moment you encounter darkness than it is to admit the truth.

I’m not perfect in any way shape or form. I have my flaws and my own insecurities. We all do.  I have my own fears and my own subconscious that holds daunting memories and a hurricane of emotions. Facing these fears and uncovering the emotions that lay behind the make-believe is complicated, and often at times undesirable. Understanding the darkness and releasing the truth has let me on this amazing transformational journey of self-discovery. I have a better understanding of my sense of self and life purpose. I have a better understanding of my truth and who I am meant to be.

Now that I have developed a better understanding of darkness and how it impacts us, I am able to look at an individual and see through the darkness, I can see into the light. I understand their fears, of what they once were and of who they want to be, of who they are supposed to be. What I have learned on this journey is that the truth eliminates the fear, the truth makes the darkness more bearable when it comes.

Facing darkness requires work. It requires breaking those unhealthy coping strategies of irrational thoughts and negativity. It requires that courage of putting that alcohol bottle down, or not taking your drug of choice. It requires you to believe that you are more than who you are in this moment and more than what you are supposed to be. It requires you to stop hurting yourself and others. It requires you to own up to your mistakes, the trauma and the emotions you have tried to numb for so long. It requires you to believe that you are loveable, wanted and good enough.

We are all wanted because we are here. We are all created out of love, out of wellbeing and truth. We are created with a purpose, with a purpose that will change who you are and how you see the world around you. It doesn’t matter how old or young you are. We all have to face darkness at some point lives, if it is in this lifetime or the next, or even the one after that. We can only hold back for so long before we explode from deteriorating, explode from being in a world of nothingness, being in a world where we let the darkness control us.

I think that we often forget that even in the darkness there is light. It always shines through, even if we can’t see it. I like the believe that the light is from Spirit. I like to believe that the light protects us and helps us through the unbearable moments that the darkness brings. As darkness fades in and out of the shadows of existing, light is always there. Our guides, our guardian angels, and our protectors shine through the light. They wrap their arms and wings around us and make us feel whole again. We are never alone. We never go through darkness alone. There is always light with us even in the darkest of times, even if this light seems invisible and non-existent.

Light opens up a new sense of being, a new transformation of self. Light brings us on a new journey, and helps us develop a new sense of belonging. Light brings forth truth and helps us understand who we are and what we are meant to do. Sometimes in the darkness, it’s hard to see the truth of what is meant to be. Light guides us through darkness. I think we often forget that darkness always brings light. Don’t be afraid to face the darkness, understand your truth and who you are. I promise it’s not as scary as it looks. I promise I’ll be with you every step along the way. Bring forth the light.  Eliminate the darkness.